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Part II
Dos and Don'ts of Conflict Management

In Part I, What not to say when attempting to separate two people who are arguing was explored. In this eNewsletter, What to say or the Dos of conflict management are discussed.

If conflict were a person, he or she might be sulking in a corner or yelling at the top of their lungs "Notice me!" Instead of calling sulking or yelling a behavior, we are going to instead view them as an action. Conflict is an action. Stopping a conflict is a lot of work, doesn't necessarily work, and is usually not a safe option. Instead of stopping conflict, the Response Model teaches to keep the conflict in action or in other words -

Keep conflict moving - Provide an option that a person can do physically.

• Walk with me
• Turn away
• Take a step back
• Look this way

People will respond to a simple request that provides them with something to do when they are really upset. Sure beats telling them to calm down or stop.

Be Civil We all learned from our elders or in kindergarten to say, "Excuse me", when interrupting someone or when in need of getting someone's attention. People will listen or at least be surprised when you start your intervention with an Excuse me. Simple courtesies go a long way towards creating a platform from which to communicate, especially when speaking to someone who is feeling unseen, upset, or mad. So go ahead, be civil and begin with Excuse me next time you have to get an angry person or group's attention. Sure beats yelling or demanding attention.

Don't forget the magic words
Response seminar participants learn early on that there are many opportunities to say Thank you to an agitated person. Being civil not only feels good it models professionalism, care, compassion, and affirms a person in distress. When do you say Thank you? It goes hand in hand with Excuse me. If the person looks your way when you say Excuse me, you can then say Thank you for listening. If they go on with a "Say what?" you can follow with Thank you for looking this way. I do appreciate your attention. Sure beats standing between two fighters and saying, "Break it up."

Tell it like it is
If the person in distress is yelling try saying, I want to hear what you are saying, please slow down. Are their arms flailing and are they moving around? Say, Your arms are moving quickly, I want to hear, Please slow down. If the person is too close to you say, You are too close, I want to hear what you are saying. Let's both take a step back. People often don't realize that they are speaking quickly, yelling or invading your personal space. Providing clear requests that tells the person exactly what they can do (action) so that they can be successful, will redirect the agitated person toward a renewed sense of self-control. Sure beats saying, "Get a grip"

For Experimental Training Seminars on "What to say?" during an interventions
Contact Response Trainings Programs today!